If you think this is going to be easy, stop reading now. Nothing worth having will come easy. Let me wrap this article up in a simple sentence for you:
“You can eat today by what you put in the microwave or you can eat well for generations by learning how to make a feast.”
I’m on a mission to help increase your mental health and the health of those who’ll come after you through your own self-improvement. Thankfully I’ve contributed enough value to my network as a courage coach for them to tag me in everything associated with mental health, fear and mentorship for teenage boys. I was tagged in this post of an article that gave black women advice on how to date broken black men. Now I was immediately intrigued for a few reasons, one main being that it could provide psychological insight on men which is an area of mental health often overlooked by everyone including men themselves. Well I was disappointed and while I appreciate the efforts of the article, I see that it still missed a goal that black couples need to form healthy thriving relationships. Well let’s get to it:
What does a broken black man look like?
It’s not necessary a look but rather the actions he takes told by the words he uses. These men hold general views of women that are belittling, negative and they often speak of them in ways to take advantage of them.
Whoa slow down there man basher!
I’m totally on men’s side, especially black men being that I’m one myself. I really go out my way to try to provide crucial insights on men without discouraging men because we need an increase in mental health the most being that we seek out mental therapist/mental health professionals the least. *Black men die the youngest of all racial groups (aside from indigenous groups) at age 67 on average and most cases are contributed by chronic stress! Something that mental health professionals greatly help reduce.
Why is the man broken?
This deserves a blog on it’s own, I’ll provide a follow up piece to this. Stay tuned
How do I get them to go to therapy?
Before engaging in ANY relations with this man, encourage that he go see a mental health professional. Give him the card or social media link to a therapist, psychologist, counselor or coach you know. They aren’t expensive as you think. *Most will provide free consultations and with or without insurance you can book a session with some as low as $25-$50. Think that’s even too much to talk to someone about your problems? Listen I had a client pay me $125 per 1 hour session. She came in making $3400 a month and three months later after our last session she started bringing in $40k a month in profit! Mental health affects all areas of your life, relationships, career, child rearing etc. Invest or get less.
Why let the broken man be and not help him coach?
Because self-preservation must take priority in your life for you to become a more reliable resource for others. Here’s another tough reality, are you sitting down? Ok, chances are that man will not have chosen you if he truly valued himself. A broken man becomes receptive to women who are fixers and those women are typically broken themselves, mixing their self-worth in these projects called relationships and getting validation that someone cares about her instead of gratitude that her contribution made a difference. A broken man is going to break your heart continuously, no matter the repairs you make.* A man builds, it’s literally in a man’s hormonal make up that his testosterone increases as he builds because building solves problems. Where as a man who destroys lowers his testosterone, increasing his stress level and lowering his prefrontal cortex’s ability to make rational decisions and cater to immediate gratification like lust, cheating, overspending, procrastinating and etc.
So coach, What does a repaired man look like and how do I love on him?
Although my coaching isn’t based off of giving intangible advice, I want you to realize two things before every stepping into this man’s life.
1) Are you repaired? Meaning have you sought out therapy and confronted the serve fears masking in your life as past demons? A healthy relationship isn’t built off of the back of a strong providing man, it’s from the sources of dual partners. Just because you are able to now spot a broken man doesn’t absolve you from being broken yourself. I don’t care how many times you say you’re going to work on yourself, if you isolate yourself from men only to go work on the inside of you with the same tools and knowledge you had the last time you did so, you’re doing yourself a disservice and will break this repaired man. Don’t work on yourself, improve on yourself. Go to seminars outside your church, sit down with a mental health professional, read books by experts and not just popular celebrities who’ve never helped anyone through your specific issues. A repaired man won’t waste too much time with a broken woman, men are very calculative and there’s certain behaviors and actions broken women exhibit that don’t add up.
2) It’s a feeling. How do you feel when you’re around this man and confiding in him? Trust that intuition that you’ve repaired yourself enough to hear clearly. A repaired man sounds of a man who’s soundly structured, his views of the world and women are healthy and positive. He’s working on the world and constantly working on himself. He’s very accountable of his actions and makes no excuses for his past transgressions. He’s not a pure human being, he laughs, he’s vulnerable and here’s a bonus, other men gravitate to him. Because authenticity is an attractive trait that’s genderless.
I wish you the best on your journey, trust yourself and remember you had what it took the entire time….
– Courage Coach Demecos
Book a coaching session: Coaching@findthecouragenow.com